G.A.R.E.

> Read carefully before initiating response sequence, assuming you are literate.

1. INPUT LOG: Paste the user's original complaint. Sanitize it first. I want to laugh at their stupidity, not their personal information. Do not pollute my engine with your compliance violations.
2. TARGET FORMAT: Select the delivery vector. Try not to mess this up.
   • [ EMAIL ]: Cold, bureaucratic, corporate correspondence.
   • [ CHAT ]: Abrupt, dismissive instant messaging.
   • [ TICKET ]: Apathetic service desk denial.
3. HOSTILITY INDEX: Adjust the aggression slider: Level 1 (Cold), Level 2 (Sarcastic), or Level 3 (Full Gary).
4. CORPORATE GASLIGHT: Enable this module to explicitly blame the user for the issue using convoluted IT jargon.
5. EXECUTION: Generate the response, copy it to your clipboard, and deploy. Ignore any resulting fallout.